Just A Songwriter

“I won’t ever know love…Love is never for me…but when I write songs…for a while it can be.

I know that when you smile…it was never for me…but it’s mine in my songs…I can make them to be.

I just now realized…you won’t even hear…I just hope that one day…you will know what I feel.

I write songs just to cry…when I do realize…all the things I have lost…are the times that I died.

I write songs for the walks…that are just in my mind…while I struggle to hear…your steps by my side.

I write songs for the life…that I know is a lie…for the dreams that I built..for the life that’s not mine.”

Both pain and emotional renumeration are present in songwriting. Pain first. For one, there is that continuously nagging presence of an intrusive feeling that the songs that you write are not even good enough…a reason why don’t even actively promote it to friends and family. And then, you are vividly aware that some of the songs are magnifications of your failures in life – the wrong turns I took, the lies that I said because I was too cowardly to admit I wasn’t good enough for something…the things that I irretrievably lost chasing dreams that I never achieved…the ego i shouldn’t have listened to…and ultimately the realization that all is lost. That I am just a husk of what I think I am and that I really do not have anything substantial to offer except for a few songs that memorialize the multitudes of mistakes that I made.

And then there is the reward part. I get to write about the love for children…about angels and hope and joy and possibilities and inspiration. I anonymously wrote about the ultimate sacrifice of 44 soldiers and received thousands of “thank you’s” from strangers. I used songs to fight for worthy causes and earned the gratitude of some people in return.

There is also that glimpse of a smile and appreciation that I get from a person that I write a song for. That brief love and metaphorical intimacy shared because of the creation and offering of a gift that is as old as time itself – music.

And then there is the process to tuning in to the universe of music…to be able to tap into the world of dreams and imagination, ethereal yet real…inexplicable yet possible. I believe that music is around us. All the creation in the world incessantly vibrate to their own resonances producing cacophonies of harmonies that most of us won’t even bother to hear because we were too busy with the daily grinds in life. I hear notes when I stop for a moment and allow my soul tune out the physical world for a while while listening to minute vibrations all around me. I sing complete songs in my dreams that I write down as soon as i wake up – melodies perfectly fused to lyrics that make me wonder if dreams is just another life, only in a parallel and different world. I harvested complete songs from the patter of raindrops while I drive alone at night. I experienced the gush of a complete songs while experiencing a rush of extreme emotion about something in my life. I am just a songwriter and I write songs…and I hope some will be good enough for you.

For those of you whose lives I touched…and caused pain and sad memories to…I never meant for it to be. I have a song for you somewhere…I hope that someday, magically, you’ll stumble into it and like it without even knowing that I was the one who wrote it and that it was written for you.

 

Some of my works

Untold Story

An alternative rock song performed by my band, Book Of J. I wanted to capture the feeling of being mesmerized when you see someone for the first time in a song…followed by a little bit of mental “sourgraping” after having realized you are way out of your league. Unfortunately this happens a lot and I just have to memorialize the feeling in a song for future “self-flagellation.” lol.  I never intended to record this song. I was planning to just keep it. We were hanging out in the studio one day and one of the guys requested a new song to jam on to escape the monotony. I pulled this one out from my folder and…to say: “we had fun” is an understatement.

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Untold Story

I’ve always associated music with colors. As a child, I would see colorful notes floating in the air and I would hum to their tune. I still hum the tunes that I hear but the colors are mostly gone…perhaps, my feel was desensitized and jaded by life. Just as I always associated music with colors and hues, I sometimes associate songs that I write to a specific moment in life. Orange is the color of the sky created by the setting sun as described by a loved one halfway across the world while I gaze upon the stars cast against the darkest of nights in my side of the world. A moment frozen in time that evoke not just colors but also emotions and sentiments that cannot be recaptured again in its original form…but memorialized in a song of love that only my mind can perceive…and this, again, remind me what a lonely place a mind can be.

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Untold Story

I remember canceling a time that I’m suppose to spend with someone. I went to go scuba diving at the middle of a storm…preferring the caress of the strong winds and turbulent seas to the gentle touch of a beloved partner. That false sense of invincibility that you get when you do stupid things…unmindful that the false victories only exist in your mind. The temporary fix is only in obscure memories now and it seems to be fading with time. I still vividly remember her face and expression while she was asking me to stay but I am starting to forget the dress she was wearing and those small details that used to be etched in my mind. I still cannot comprehend my foolishness. It was arrogance and a false sense of immortality associated with youth. I heard that she is all settled and happy now…and I’m alone writing these songs.

“Even When it’s Late” was written because of a request of a friend. It was written to be a vampire love song. I know deep in my heart of hearts…the song is so much more. 

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Untold Story

Sometimes, songwriters write songs to tell a story. This is one of those times. The crickets, the trees, the cloudless nights, the chair and every part of this song is real. While the lyrics of ‘Waiting for you” describe the physical scene, the melody actually captured the deepest emotions present during the storytelling – sadness and hope, longing, serenity, peace and even frustrations.

If I can harvest all my experiences and convert each chapter into songs, then I can probably listen to them when I’m frail and old…and be reminded of important moments in my life – those that made me experience emotions that moved me…and then maybe, even just for a while, it’ll give me a chance to relive those particular moments again. 

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Untold Story

My band wanted full instrumentations for this song. I said: “No”. I decided to record it the way I plucked the guitar when I first wrote it…on top of a hill, alone…while watching the rain casts shadows against the city lights below. I wanted it simple and unadorned…just like the surroundings that night.  I wish I could sing, but I can only write songs…I would have loved to sing this one…it being the one song that is closest to my heart. I’m glad Juni did a great job of singing it though. I never said it to my friend but I owe him much for breathing life to my song. “Just Like Sunshine” has to be listened to a few times. It will grow on you every time.

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Untold Story

The song was inspired by a bus-ride in New York that happened years ago. At one time, I was too pre-occupied with building my business that I failed to notice the important things in my life. I would have given my life if I can go back to that specific time…in that bus…with my girl…and just focus on her. I should’ve just focused on her. At hindsight, nothing else matters but her.  

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Untold Story

My Addiction is a simple love song. The song came to me while I was a 5 mile solo hike on the way to a waterfall. The hike was relatively uneventful other than the fact that “the words and music” badgered me all the way and back.  The song kept me company. I can’t sing well but without anybody around…it was ok. I jotted the song when I got back to civilization…and I added another song to my catalogue.

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2020-04-06T20:53:21+00:00

One Comment

  1. admin April 5, 2020 at 7:41 pm - Reply

    Thank you for listening to the songs. The site is a work in progress. I’m still working on the social media links…

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